Tired of micromanaging my life

I am depressed and biased. That wellbeing is the topic for rich folks. When you rich, you need to protect your valuables. You feel anxious that somebody invides your privacy. Poor has nothing to lose. No money. No relationships. Just paranoia. That I won’t find a job. That my parents will die. Browsing porn from anonymous tabs. Playing games, but not triple-A, and just casual free stuff. Using Linux to avoid being sued. That’s a miserable comfort zone of being poor. Somebody would say - a life choice.

There is one thing that inspires, or, rather, inspired me. That one day I won’t compete with all these cheerful and successful people in big cars around me for the place under the sun. I don’t need Facebook or meta or any other social network to compare mysefl. I just envious and sad, and it can not be helped.

What I think, and that’s why I am here, is that there is no place for me in a world of Humane Tech. Where people regulate and get public beating to those who were inspired to create something better than we humans were able to produce. Something that could help to cope with the misery of being a human. And I am not talking about drugs. I am talking about the purpose.

I live in Belarus. Every day I see the tragedy of how dumb and useless I am, that I can not change anything about my life, can not change things I’d like to see changed. Even when I know exactly what needs to be done, my exceptional ability to piss people off just wreck things in the worst possible manner. People, when offended, do nothing, and sometimes, even do the opposite. Block things and discredit them. I don’t know, maybe I lack emotional intelligence to deal with people, but for me it looks like I am just tired. Tired of smiling, tired of following all these code of conducts, rules, guidelines. I don’t punch people in the faces, do not sell drugs, commit crimes, what is left of my “freedom” if not being able to speak what I think. People being offended.

Be removing the tech, getting power to people who are offended, you are putting my life into complete mess and misery. I am tired of micromanaging my life, and I’d rather sell my soul to some tech that guides me through… to where I want to be.

We live in exceptionally taxing times for the human spirit. A hectic information society that bombards us with doom and gloom from all sides, overloads and overwhelms us. Hypercapitalist, we are spoonfed on how we ought to behave, who we ought to be, and what success should look like. We are made to crave shallow and vapid things. It divides us. Continuously distracted from pursuing worthy personal goals in life. That is how this system works, and how it survives.

The poor, those in need, the underprivileged and marginalized will feel most of the grind.They will feel it first, and be hit the hardest. Technology is merciless, especially when wielded by the haves, who have the luxury to shape it to their needs, oblivious to needs of others. There is nothing humane to that. But Wellbeing is for everyone. It is a human right.

Yes, it can be utterly depressing thinking on all of that is thrown at us. Most of all for those who are but small, and want change the most. But small is beautiful and small can be huge. Though in very different circumstances, I’ve been in similar state of mind at times as where you seem to be. Not seeing a positive path forwards, and upwards slopes to climb. Allowing the sign of the times to wear me down.

Until I realized that I that there was always hope, and that improvement comes in small increments but it accrues. Between seeing a glass half-full or even mindless optimism, and on the other hand perceiving a glass half-empty leading to a pit of despair, I just considered there to be a glass of water where I could sip from at any time. With some conscious effort of applying this mindfulness principle, I managed to let go of unrealistic expectations and see that there’s always things that I could do which would be uplifting to me and generally useful to others. If only just those tiny things. It doesn’t matter, they compound.

This (in hindsight) small shift of perception, opened up my mind to a whole different perspective. Suddenly I was able to view positive developments again. To see they are abound, but I was closed to them before. I do not expect to be a major factor in pushing these forward, but I am satisfied to just be of help. I am but small, and so are my contributions. But small is beautiful, and we should always remember that.

I hope you will find better times, and energy to uplift yourself. Your personal situation and wellbeing, your state of mind, are most important. As for tech. In itself it cannot be humane. Tech can only ever be supportive. It is a tool. How we humans wield it is the key factor in how humane it is.