I totaly agree. We show this way to our children by living it, being creators, acting with intention and showing them that dedication, patience and following the process make sense. So easy to write it…
With that said I’ll say my 9 year old has had no iPad expect for school and she is a happier kid for it. Yes there will be no screen free, but you may have a screen free home. My daughter’s class is the first one to have been old enough to experience the iPad- and they are so different- as far as attention span and behavior- these kids struggle with social/group milestones we mastered in preschool. It’s so hard to do those years over again.
Hi all,
I was today by health check with my 5 years old son (We live in Germany).
I asked few more questions about the interest from parents side regarding digital media and the influence of it on children.
He answerd, that there not much questions from parent side. He things it is because there is more and more parents they grew up as digital native and they do not understand the differece between with and without digital products.
But he also said that there is more and more actions from the medical community to inform the parents about the possible influence of digital products on the kid’s development.
His claims there is still to few deep sudies and lots of then base on retrospectives.
But there are basic studies that shows for example what is the result of not playing in three dimensional world with hands on various of basic abilities like understandig of some math concepts like a set.
The doctor proposed a balance and engagement of parents as a method for influencing our kids in a positiv way.
If anyone of you have access to researches/studies that shows the subject from medical point of view please let me know. I am going to prepare a meeting in my school to talk with other parents about it and share our experiences.
There was a recent comprehensive study (unfortunately only in Dutch) on the effects of digital media on small kids (browse to PDF for the Survey + statistical data):
Also a number of handy links (laws, rules, behavioral codes) for parents on topics like smartphone use, bullying, sexting, gaming, etc. (also Dutch):
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Hi there, do you speak Dutch? If so could you possibly give us a quick run down?
On the article that was, not all the links…
Yes, sure @JC3… I will send you a private message. I am not an expert on the subject matter, but this link seemed really good.
That would be awesome, thank you!
I just got asked this question by a reporter, any parents out there have an answer?" Childless Max does not 
“When parents try to limit their kids’ smartphone use, it can be stressful if the child is resistant/argumentative. What tips do you have for parents to best keep their stress levels down while talking to their child? Is there an effective way you’ve discovered that works to get the message across while at the same time a parent can keep his or her cool?”
Good question!!
Any parenting class is good. Count to 10… walk away and swear in the bathroom and return;). Hold your breath after inhaling for 5 seconds works too.
A consequence always works too- it won’t work at the time but kids think twice if they have had a consequence the next time.
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Pre plan your response to that situation (much less stressful when you have a plan in place…) Talk to the kids about it beforehand as well…
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Hey @illogical. Wanted to make sure you knew that the group @Maggie referred to is Wait Until 8th - as in 8th grade. In the US, people in 8th grade are about 13 or 14 years old. I totally agree with you that there is no reason for an 8 year old to have a phone. Some addiction researchers are so concerned about smartphones they say, until the devices are redesigned for safe use by kids, they shouldn’t be used until the late teens.
I agree that kids need to be introduced to the digital world carefully and thoughtfully over time, according to their age and stage. In my book How To Be a Durable Human, I recommend that a child should use a family loaner phone before having one of her or his own. Just a simple one to take out if the child will be going to a public place without a parent or supervising adult. Once they prove to be responsible with that, perhaps they can be ramped up to a simple “feature” phone (without Internet access) of their own. I’d rather say “feature” phone than “dumb” phone. Melanie Hempe of FamiliesManagingMedia.com is working with a phone manufacturer to bring the “feature” phone back as a readily available option for families.
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New to the boards here, but love the purpose of the community and topic. I hope to contribute and learn more too. I’m a little late to this response, but I’d like to share tips as I have a 6-year old:
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We have introduced technology at home as a “given” tool that is neither defied nor demonized. I’ve heard the saying, “what you demonize, they [kids] will defy.” We try not attribute a personality to the device as bad or good. Rather, we accept it as a fact of life with age-appropriate boundaries such as time-limits, no device in your room by yourself (or TV), no downloading at his age, etc. Of course, you have to use technology to restrict technology to help kids set those boundaries, but his dad is in IT so that helps! It does start from a young age. We do not forbid it but we do not let him run off with it (see more on that below).
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Also, I think it’s not too late to model appropriate behavior you want to see in your kids. This helps you as well. We try to purposefully model the behavior that we want to see in our son. The key is to do this with intention. My son sees his dad and I on our phones sometimes, but he has to see us “put it away” too. I make sure he sees me turning it off, or putting it in another room to charge, or back in my purse. Then we can play Legos, a board game, or Sodoku for 20 minutes. No big deal. Sometimes more is “caught than taught”. This realization did not come easy. I had to notice my own behavior and how it was affecting other parents in public spaces (sports games, the park, at school, etc.) We don’t always succeed, but we have to keep on trying. Finding ways to experience life and have family moments are thus starting to be a more “intentional” acts rather than just a purely socially expected one (i.e. “that’s what families are supposed to do.”) We have to build rapport with our son every day. It starts early. But it’s never late to start either.
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Bridging technology with real life can help too. We do let our son play Minecraft with limits. I’ve played with him a few times. We downloaded games on an older phone that is not on the internet/no service. He knows the rules on the phone as we have set it as a given. Running off with the device where we are not present can easily “separate” and become an “isolating” activity that can turn habitual. So that this point in his life, it’s important to be in the same room or present, help “check-in” and guide him and to let him know when it’s time to stop (with appropriate 5-10 minutes warning–this now becomes a typical expectation that doesn’t turn into an argument. I sometimes liken it to “okay, you have 5 more minutes of sleep, then you have to get up for school!” ). It’s tough, but we continue to try to do it this way. Also, I think having empathy for your kids is another way of keeping your cool. We all have our moments where we are glued to our screens. Finally, I try to always find ways of having him return to the “real world” at an early age. Instead of always playing Minecraft with him, I have bought him Minecraft guide books, which fuels his passion for reading. I’ve sat down and drawn pictures of the game. We’ve written stories. Try to find out their interests. Bringing it back to the “real world” dilutes the “novelty” of the game in just one dimension (the digital one). Of course, Minecraft is not always my desired topic du jour, but being involved somewhat is one way of just staying “plugged” into his world and encouraging him to “plug out” and explore interest in the real world as well
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Finally, we as parents know we will have to have the tough discussions down the road and to expect it. This area of parenting has opened our own eyes to our own digital habits, staying educated and aware of newer technologies and vulnerabilities, and the need to staying present in our son’s life as he goes through developmental stages. Staying connected to communities like this seems to help!
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As a parent who never thought they’d be down a rabbit hole “parenting in the digital age”, it has taught me a great deal about consumerism and made me aware of how much companies want our kids attention. That is the topic I’m working to teach my kids now as almost 3rd graders. In my personal research I’ve been seeing organizations such as FOSI (Family Online Safety Institute) which appears to me to be a “wolf in sheeps clothing” organization. Representing themselves as a resource to parents, but pull back the wool and you’ll see a board of directors filled with HUGE social media, gaming, media entertainment company execs. Look further and you’ll see that each of them are officed in D.C. (hello Lobbyist). They’ve presented their “findings” on Capital Hill and I also see Google’s new Digital Wellbeing initiative has FOSI as a resource!!! Pull back the wool. I only trust CHT and Common Sense Media at this point.
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I see what you are saying- the crossover makes it hard to see people’s altruistic self. I know a elementary school tech teacher who is “google certified” and embraces common sense media- worked for them too at some point. So now I question common sense media because who could be proud of being google and common sense affiliated at the very same time? This educator doesn’t see google grooming kids with google fonts and all.
Until there is a new economy of companies humane tech principles it will be confusing.
Hi - I’d love to see a discussion here about Fortnite, and its impact on both kids who play, and those that don’t. I know our tech use affects both ourselves, and our friends and acquaintances, but this appears to be at a new level. In one way Fortnite addresses a concern I have about gaming, in that that it can be collaborative (can teaming up to kill off everyone else can ever be called “collaborative”?.. ) and interactive with your friends, but I am sobered by the effect on relationships and inclusion for kids. https://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/life-and-relationships/parents-are-losing-their-sons-to-fortnite-the-hottest-game-in-the-world-20180607-p4zjzm.html
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Hi everyone, I am a bit late in joining!
I am not a parent, but given that my work is focused on the parent-child connection, I am always curious to speak with parents from all kinds of backgrounds and with different parenting styles.
I am curious to know if any of you are parents living in the Bay Area in SF, and working in the tech industry as well. I am fascinated by the fact that some of the most tech-free kids in the world are living in the Bay Area, and that these are kids of parents who work in tech.
Earlier on there was the question of whether we should limit device use when kids are young because then we are not preparing them for what is to come after middle or high school, but this is exactly what these parents do. One of the most popular schools in the Bay Area is Waldorf, where children don’t get to use screens until 8th grade.
Would love to hear your perspective, thanks!
Teodora
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@Teodora there are lots of ideas related to this area in the parenting section. Categories have changed over time.
Kids do need some screentime for functioning at the library etc… But overall in my opinion everything will be obsolete one day- kids will have to learn a new system. With that said… I think learning life skills that are bound to be computerized forever like banking and library- email, accessing personal medical info etc… should be taught in middle school. Elementary school kids should not be on computers- my 10 year old has not recovered from the displacement of classroom practice time of penmanship/spelling. Some skills they fail and some they lose or never learn… overall I’m with the Waldorf mindset. Teaching tech in elementary schools is backfiring as we breathe everyday-